Fantasy Baseball Failure..

Living proof right here that just because you're a baseball fan and can out smart a lot of guys when it comes to baseball, it does not mean you'll be good at fantasy baseball! I take responsibility for my crappy draft class (although I'd like to point some blame in the direction of the 30 second draft limit. I mean seriously, 30 seconds? Who does that?!), but managing my team is a sad story as well..
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My first couple rounds I took some big names and guys with projected good years, Kris Bryant, Carlos Martinez, Giancarlo Stanton, Madison Bumgarner, but pretty much the rest of my draft class is nothing to brag about. I keep telling everyone I just have a lot of slow starters.. HA, I wish!
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So aside from my draft class being just bad, I can't manage either. Here's an example, Dexter Fowler was/is having a pretty bad start and finally I decided to bench him. Bench him one game and he's on base twice wth an RBI. Fine, I can handle that. He still needs to ride the bench, others are performing better. Then the next day he hits two homeruns.. fail. - every time I try to move my bench around and play the whole "who's got and who's not" game, it bites me.

but the real kicker is MadBum. I drafted him 2nd overall I think, because he's MadBum, Hello! Everybody was telling me that they wish they would have got him, until this weekend.. what ding dong professional athlete rides a dirt bike during the season?! Down goes MadBum. So now my star pitcher is either the one who needs to focus on the game and less on his hair (Yes, I went there. The stats don't lie.), or the supermodel's boyfriend who can't get his ERA below 6. Yikes.
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If anyone has any fantasy baseball pointers I'd love to hear them because I CLEARLY need outside help. My strategy (can I even really call it a strategy?) is simply not working. I guess for now I'll hope that "slow starts" really are the cause of my near Mendoza line batting average and last in the league number of wins.. Or don't send me tips and invite me to be in your fantasy league next year for an automatic last place finisher..